I plead the 5th

The title of this post won't make sense until later. Its really meant to be a description of the location of Today's event. SO, for those who aren't familiar, I gave up eating sugar and carbs a little over a year ago and did it for a solid 3-4 months. Eventually, I started to eat carbs again, but I still hardly ever eat sugar. Well today I decided to eat a box of Hostess Donnettes.....almost the whole box that is. Fast forward 20 minutes and my stomach was not happy with me. Let me preface this next part by saying that I work in a building with 5 floors plus a basement. Anyway, at 10:30 am I decide to head to the basement bathroom for a little bit of privacy...no luck, all the stalls were being used. I head to the first floor, all being used. The second floor, all being used. The 3rd floor, all being used. I refused to go to the 4th floor because thats where our Tech Support people work and frankly they are gross, so I skipped to the 5th floor and found 1 stall available. The 5th floor is where all the executives for the company work. Well after I took care of some stuff I flushed the toilet only to then have it clog on me. So there I am using the executive bathroom and I plugged up the toilet. So what did I do? I quickly washed my hands and ran back down to my desk on the second floor......I am praying there are no security cameras outside the bathroom, I choose to hide from my problems ha ha ha......crap! (pun!!)

ps. even the 5th floor uses single ply toilet paper here, and I hate them for that.....man up and by some Charmin people

bulls eye

I am a child at heart. If this is surprising to you, then you clearly don't know me. I quote a friend when I say, I am child-like, not childish though. I believe there is a difference. However, because of my frugality of maturity, I like to be entertained. At work we recently moved office buildings. In the old office I had two nerf guns I kept in my file cabinet. I called them "motivational tools". Randomly throughout the day, I would shoot the screens of my sales people when they least suspected it, they would stick to the monitor and I would laugh thinking I am funny. When we moved buildings I decided to leave the motivational tools at home.....until recently. A couple of friends showed me that if you have 1/2" PVC pipe, the perfect size for a nerf dart, you can make a homemade blowgun...which I did. The longer the pipe, the more velocity. I brought a 3ft pipe to work and a handful of darts, except the darts I use now have a small whistle to them. These suckers fly fast and super accurate. The best part is because the pipe is so unsuspecting, I can quickly pull it out, shoot someone, and hide it before they know what hit them. They actually sting too which is added fun. I have shot consultants, other managers, and the QA director. Today I saw a senior manager in the distance looking away from my direction. Against my better judgement, I loaded up my gun and fired at his back....full speed. I kid you not, 3ft before it hit him square in the shoulder blades, the possessed dart all of a sudden lifted and ended up nailing him square in the head. He is bald and that thing left a mark right on his shiny dome....I'm thinking I will need to find a new "motivational" tool at work

Story time

So the last post I made was really just a joke to bug a friend. Here is the actual post I wanted to make today, and its a 2 for 1 special. Since I am a fan of reading when there are pictures, I made sure to do spot on sketches of each one.
Story #1: I almost ran over a guy on a bike
So there I was, driving in my man-jetta the other night with my roommate. It was late in the evening and we were going to get a late night burrito. I stopped at a stop sign just two block west of my apartment. I look left and right, see nobody coming, and proceed to go through the intersection...while half way though it, my roommate yells "BIKE BIKE BIKE" I slam on my break and 3 feet in front of my is a stupid kid wearing all black and gray clothes, riding a black colored bike with no reflectors, staring at me like a pissed off deer in the head lights. Now normally I would think the kid would be justified in his anger since he almost got run over, however, what an IDIOT! who rides their bike through an intersection when they are wearing all black and are at a poorly lit intersection. The dumb kid darted out from behind a car and there was no way for me to have seen him coming. So basically, I don't feel bad having almost committed vehicular homicide.

This is basically identical to the situation except he kid had almost all black clothes. The grey spots on the corner and top are the sidewalk :)

Story #2: My personality turns off women
I might have told this before, but I still think its funny. So there I was (by the way, every great story should start with "so there I was") at my old job, a call center, sitting around talking to a few friends. I was teasing them that they were my older brother's age but that they still had the same job as me. At the time I was just working on my bachelors degree so it was fun to tease them. One of the guys, having met my brother before, started to tease me by saying that my brother also was married and had his first kid when he was my age. THEN suddenly, out of nowhere, this women slowly rolls out of her cubical and into view, and says to me, "Eric, maybe because you joke around a lot, and aren't always serious, well maybe its your personality that turns off girls." She then slid back into cubicle and out of view. I was speechless. Firstly, who says crap like that, secondly, the way she popped in and out of the conversation was just crazy. It kind of reminded me of how Jon Lovitz disappears in this clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK8vVk4_n2Q

I look pretty handsome in this drawing right?

Robbie Hughes and Plagarism

So my friend Robbie also has a blog about random stuff. He told me he was going post a certain youtube video about a girl dancing with a sword. Mostly to bug him, I am going to post it first:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xcs3OwrkcR4

However, if you want to see his random thought blog, you can go here: Robbie's Blog
And to Robbie I say; in your face, I was first!

The Law of Attraction

WARNING: This was a long blog venting session
Let me just say that this time last year I had the same amount of workload with life, church, school, and work but was a lot happier...not sure why the change, or why I feel so constantly stressed. Because of that, I have been up since 7am on a Saturday morning (again) and I keep having to do stuff to keep busy or I feel like I'm going to explode. That being said, my train of thoughts brought me to this topic: Attraction. Lately people keep asking me about my dating life, and I will admit that the dating pool isn't too full this monthly, however, a big part of that is by choice, a lot by circumstance. I don't have a type of girl I am looking for, I have dated blondes, brunettes, red heads, older, and younger, but it all comes back to the point that there are just certain girls I am attracted to and some that I am not. And since that narrows the field, of those I am attracted to, there are only so many that will in return be attracted to me. Now I want to preface this next part by saying that I genuinely respect all women, regardless of my relationship with them. I place all women on a pedestal, and feel like all men should. That being said, I digress; I once jokingly had a conversation with a group of female friends about how guys place girls in 1 of 3 categories: A. Just friends, B. Kiss but not date, C. Date-able. Female family members don't have a category because they are family and this isn't the backwoods of Alabama. I know the categories sounds shallow, but most younger single guys would agree with it. And in all fairness this conversation took place while they were having me rate the attractiveness of some women in a wedding catalog (that in itself is its own story). I am honestly not a fan of category B because I think too many guys use it and use women for it. Now at least in my perspective, category A isn't a bad place though. Some of my closets friends are my female friends. I would gladly give up most of my guy friends for them because they mean a lot to me. Many of those women are probably reading this blog post. And a few of them were there for the conversation about the categories too. Anyway, I bring this up because I was talking to my mom about my dating life and then it hit me: Oh my gosh, women probably think the same thing about me! I am probably in 1 of 3 categories for them too: Friend, Hookup, date-able. I immediately felt bad for any women I have ever objectified because I felt like a piece of meat and it was weird ha ha ha. Thinking about this further though, I realized that for every girl I ever broke up with or wasn't attracted to, there is/was another guy out there who was and appreciated her for the things I did not, and I am happy for them. On the opposite end, for every girl who has broken up with me, or wasn't attracted to me, I know that there is going to be another girl that I find at some point who will appreciate me and be attracted to my different qualities. Its sad to see girls who chase after guys, but the guys don't appreciate them for their unique qualities. I think everyone needs and can find someone who will adore them and be attracted to them for all of their unique attributes, whether it be physical or personality based. So despite the fact that I get harassed for my dating life right now, I know that there is someone out there for me who will be attracted to me and care enough about me to put me on a pedestal, just like I know I will do for them. Although, Ill always put them on a higher pedestal because that's just how I roll.

This blog is long enough, but just know there is a story coming about how a woman at work once told me my personality turns off women....also I am 7 years clean from cancer this year...SUCK IT CANCER

Thacker Urban Dictionary

Long-suffering- Having to deal with a bunch of crap all the while managing to keep a smile on your face.

Patience- Sitting around waiting for other people to figure out what you already know to be true.

The Rule of three- A principle in writing that suggests that things that come in threes are inherently funnier, more satisfying, more effective than other number of things.

Sacrifice and Manliness

Sometimes I look at the website, "The Art of Manliness." The first time I found it, I was randomly googling zombies and guns (it was a conversation I was having with my brother) and I came upon an article that talked about turning a shotgun into the ultimate survival weapon...Today I looked up the website and was just looking at random articles and I came upon one about sacrifice. I like the message it carried, so I thought I would share the link.
http://artofmanliness.com/2011/07/17/the-law-of-sacrifice/

From the article: At the end of the day then, the most important question we should ask ourselves when evaluating our dreams, desires, and goals, may not be, “What am I willing to do to attain them?” but “What am I willing to give up?”